I’ve a tough time saying no. Maybe you do too. This downside is extra widespread than we predict, particularly for individuals who are empathetic or nurturing. We simply hate the considered hurting another person’s emotions.
It was a very long time earlier than I seen this downside in myself. For many of my profession, I’ve had administrative assistants who mentioned no for me. If somebody had a request, they needed to get by an assistant first.
This gave me the buffer I wanted to contemplate the request extra fastidiously. After I declined the request, I almost at all times let my assistant do it for me. The truth that I didn’t must ship the unhealthy information myself saved me centered and productive, and it helped protect relationships.
However right here’s the factor. I didn’t understand what a present that was. After I left the company world, I figured I may get alongside superb with out an assistant. That meant the requests all got here straight to me. And, left to my very own gadgets, I mentioned sure far, far too usually.
A 3rd of the time I wished to kick myself as quickly as I did. One other third of the time I wished to kick myself shortly afterward. How did I get myself into this mess?
“Saying No has at all times been necessary,” says William Ury in his e-book, The Energy of a Constructive No, “however maybe by no means as important a talent as it’s at this time.” The explanations he lists are those I skilled. All my yeses meant I used to be overcommitted, shortchanging my relationships, and unable to do my greatest work.
I wager you may relate.
The Purpose We Battle
Why do we have now such a tough time saying no? Ury says it’s as a result of we need to defend , and that’s undoubtedly a giant a part of it. However we even say sure to excellent strangers. I feel it has to do with maintaining appearances. We need to seem useful or can-do. However it’s a lure.
After we say sure too usually, we have a tendency to harm . Not solely that, however our efficiency suffers, so it’s inconceivable to maintain up appearances. We let everybody down, particularly ourselves.
After some time of fielding all my very own requests, I made a decision I wanted an administrative assistant once more. However earlier than I employed an admin, I began turning my no boat round alone. How?
I resolved to say no to all the pieces except there was a compelling cause to say sure. I switched my default response from an affirmative to a unfavourable. Issues modified with simply that willpower, however I used to be in a position go even additional once I wrote down 5 causes for saying no.
Say No for a Higher Sure
This record is the why behind the what. It turns on the market are excellent causes for flexing your no muscle. In the event you wrestle with this, I feel these 5 causes would possibly provide help to as nicely.
Right here’s what I wrote.
If I don’t say no,
Different peoples’ priorities will take priority over ours.
Mere acquaintances—folks we barely know!—will crowd out time with household and shut buddies.
We is not going to have the time we want for relaxation and restoration.
We’ll find yourself annoyed and confused.
We gained’t be capable of say sure to the actually necessary issues.
This final one was the clincher for me.
Right here’s what Patti Breitman and Connie Hatch say of their e-book, Say No With out Feeling Responsible:
Out of guilt or concern of confrontation, we tackle extra tasks, put money into another person’s priorities . . . Within the course of, we dissipate our most respected private assets—time, power, and cash—on issues that aren’t necessary to us. Every time we comply with one thing with out enthusiasm for curiosity, we waste a bit extra of those treasured assets.
Now let’s flip that round. Each time we are saying no to one thing that’s not necessary, we’re saying sure to one thing that’s: our work, , our assets, our margin. How usually are you saying no?